Have you ever wanted something good which for perfectly
logical and compelling reasons alludes you? I recall a dear friend years ago
going after a position for which he felt well qualified. It was granted to
another. He was really devastated and when we spoke, he told me why. All his
life by effort and gift and hard work he had always achieved
what he desired. This was the first time it had not been so. While he had my
full sympathy, I sat there wondering from an often refused place what his
earlier experience might be like. I relate to an opposite place.
Recently, I have been refused a position for compelling and
logical reasons. I am needing to recall Dan as a reminder that all of us, who
really desire to add to life, have down moments. Moments like this are fair and
to be expected, and come to all of us. Yet even after reason, there is a need to
mend the heart if we are people who care.
Resurrection is heart mending by its nature. It presupposes
that we die to something, or at least go down in our selves and psyche. For me,
Jesus' Resurrection was a real event, not a metaphor, while others need to hold it
as a metaphor. We do no one any good judging what they can hold or believe, and
to what extent. That wastes a wonder-filled event.
Resurrection was also not easy on those who first received
its news. They had to alter their world view to make room for it. Some could,
some could not. They simply defined church and not church. Except of course for
Thomas and his like, they were stuck (and I do not mean that in a "less than"
way) in an in between place; perhaps desiring to believe, but struggling with
their power to reason. "How can I get there from here?"
In today's Morning Prayer gospel we have an early introduction
to Thomas' struggle with belief. We meet him not post Easter, but on the night
of the Last Supper, what we call Maundy Thursday. So much is going down.
Passover is upon them. Jesus has wept over Jerusalem and spoken of the Judgement of
the world about to come. He has intimately washed the Disciples' feet, and spoken
to them of the work of love for one another inextricably bound to service. They
are to do even small menial acts of care for one another. He has spoken of his
coming betrayal and rebuked Peter for denial.
And now he says: "Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling
places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place
for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will
take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be
also."
And Thomas who reasons for us all says; "Lord, we do not
know where you are going. How can we know the way?"
Jesus responds; "I am the way, and the truth, and the
life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will
know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen
him."
Jesus is about to die. He is also about to find God deeply
loyal in unexpected ways, at least by us onlookers, for he is also about to rise
from the dead. Then the challenge of receiving resurrection and coming to a
deeper faith sets in. Those who want to live by faith must accommodate a new
reality.
But Thomas wonders, how?
"I will come again and will take you to myself, so that
where I am, there you may be also."
This new reality is not only there at the end of earthly life.
We are taken into God and Jesus all along the way. When we are downcast, broken
or in some manner, hurting, God in Jesus is there for us. There is healing
waiting, not like an instant fountain, but like a flow of concern that springs
from life's center. It's springs are through you and me. We share it in
compassion for one another. This is Church.
I have grown to believe that when Jesus says, "If in my
name you ask me for anything, I will do it." he does not mean you get
everything you want. He means more that "I am here for you." Ask for the mending
of your heart, it will come. Seek wisdom for deep life, it will come. Do you
want to know deep purpose, be Church for each other; it will come.
I have some healing to do, it won't come because I obsess with
what might have been. No, it will come by moving on in purpose. It will come
because resurrection, new life, is God's way and I will give myself to the work
of being open to the way of Jesus, the way of compassion, of going through what
is, to find what might be.
This is Easter as metaphor and as reality at the core of
life.
I wonder how it is happening for
you.
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