Eucharist Lesson: John 21:1-14
I find waiting very hard often. After a rainstorm has interrupted cutting the grass, I find it hard to wait for the grass to dry enough to begin again. After the daffodils have bloomed I wait so impatiently for the iris to follow suit. When bad news has struck, I am impatient for things to resolve or even next best steps to become obvious. Truth is I like completion so I can move on to another task. I so prefer business to waiting.
And yet I know in my head that waiting for next steps to settle in is important to process. If I am to grow wiser or more competent, I must sometimes wait for an answer to be clear. I have learned it over and over with leadership development, the process of working to a resolve is as important as the resolve itself, if the point is growing shared leadership.
I know with adolescents that as much as one wants a young person to make a right decision, little if anything is gained by jumping the gun. If they cannot see how they processed their resolve, they are unlikely to repeat that resolve. They may not move deeper with their next challenge.
Just the same, I find waiting difficult when I want the end result.
In John's Gospel we overhear Jesus say to his disciples as his end comes:
"Now I am going to him who sent me; yet none of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your hearts. Nevertheless I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you." John 16:5-7
How hard that must have been to learn of the coming end and then the waiting. This waiting for the coming of the Holy Spirit, this sense of God with us. Why would anyone trade off a living, touchable presence of God for an amorphous, less touchable sense of God? Why when you can hear both your questions and the One who leads you through the process to answers, would you want a Spirit, a presence that is less tangible?
Jesus answer is odd at first. He implies that we will only fully value his work once he is gone. After his death and Resurrection the attentive of the world will be led to see he is the Way, the Truth, the Life. We will find it is not our right actions only or mostly that stand between us and God's judgement, but rather the whole work of Christ's life, things beyond his wise teaching. Slowly we will integrate this into our lives.
"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own, but will speak whatever he hears, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, because he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine. For this reason I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you. John 16:12-15
How odd all this must have seemed to the first Church. Once Jesus had entered the Godhead, it must have been so hard to wait for understanding. We read of its emergence in Acts and yet it is always challenged by those who cannot come to understanding and faith in Jesus. Peter and John have by the name of Jesus healed a lame man, but some in authority cannot see this as an act of God. Peter and John call it an act of the Holy Spirit now come. They must patiently wait for people to see evidence and come to faith. They cannot force it.
Here is what I know. There have been places in me, still are, that I want to force into growth. Places with which I am impatient for perfection. I sometimes pray for them to be more whole, I work at wholeness. It is taking a lifetime for God to lead me through them. I see the work more looking back over than looking right at my life.
The same is true for some I love. Daily I hold loved ones in prayer. Daily I hope, often I have acted on their behalf. I have listened, I have cajoled, I have shared hard earned wisdom. Even now I must wait patiently for them to yield to God's guidance and deep hope. How and when the Spirit can find entrance and act, I neither know nor can determine. Perhaps I cannot see that work is well in hand. So I hope. I pray. I stay attentive as I can.
I find waiting hard. I must remember, the Iris blooms in its time. So do we.
Now if the grass would just dry...
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