Three times Peter denied
knowing Jesus as Jesus was under arrest, being examined, scourged and variously
tried. He had no sense of what the outcome of all this would be but he must
have known it was a danger to those associated with Jesus. Like many who cared,
it was one thing to be near enough to discover the outcome. It was another to be
too closely tied to that outcome.
After the resurrection,
Peter takes a prime place in experiencing the risen Lord. Quick to jump ahead
of the crowd,was he able to sustain his loyalty and his commitment to task?
What sort of rock would he be in the founding days of what would become the
Church, even though at that point the 'Church" was but a sect of
Judaism?
So three times in John's
Gospel he is asked, "Peter do you love me?" Each asking is briefer than the one
before as if to intensify the meaning of the question. Finally, Peter's response
is elongated. We feel his frustration with the thrice asked question and his
full conversion to his own answer.
"Lord, you know everything; you know that I love
you."
His defined task is to tend and feed Christ's lambs and
sheep. He is now to do it knowing it will be costly. It will cost him his
freedom.
Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to
fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you
will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and
take you where you do not wish to go." (He said this to indicate the kind of
death by which he would glorify God.) John 21:18-19
The marked conversions of life have often been costly. So
have the small ones. Many of us know the Hymn "Amazing Grace". Most of us
don't think of ourselves as a "wretch" and for years I was put off by this
hymn. Then I came to know its story. John Newton was a deeply profane sailor,
sea captain, slaver. His childhood was secure enough and mean enough to ground
him in the hurts of life. Yet his conversion begins as his sea life involves
near death, exhaustion, and strange mercy. You can read some of the details on
Wikipedia. Here is a good case for
the model of Peter. Ongoing encounters with the word of Christ draw him deeper
into life lived with intention to God's will.
For me the remarkable thing is how Newton becomes an early
voice for the abolition of the slave trade. Having done the lucrative work of
capturing Africans deemed "less than," he knows its great cruelty and his faith
propels him to speak and act. He will befriend Wilberforce who becomes the
sustaining voice of the Abolitionist Movement. Yet it seems it is the energy of
Newton's denial of God and Christ over his early years that set him to the
strong task of self examination and the real work of reform of society.
So I am reminded that what truly works to change me is when I
look inward, see the areas of my holding onto my own lost ways and my letting
go. That letting go is often the gift of reflection in God's grace. The Word
penetrates my defenses. I see myself under God's love and care. I see some
struggle brought to light. I linger in its meaning. I open
to see more clearly and I try on a new outlook that seems more reflective of
God. I am tended and fed. Usually it involves someone else's writing,
speaking, witness gently or sharply given. There is an inner voice of change
finally, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you."
The grace is that I do love Christ and accept being thus
loved...fed...tended.
And you?
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