I have often in jest said, "God was in a particularly ill mood
the day he invented families." Face it, the first biblical family did not fare
well with husband and wife off to mischief with that apple (fruit of the
tree). The first sibling kills the second over God's
perceived favor. This is quite a beginning.
Psychology has produced family systems theory which seeks to
explain some of the dynamics common in families and in role assignment. This
theory helped me see and in fact forgive some of my own family dynamics. It
caused me to notice that my parents' frequent displeasure with one of their
children's spouses (all of them in rotation or several at once) was what they
had received from their parents. No in-law was good enough for my two
grandmothers.
The assignment of tasks common in birth order was exactly my
brothers and me. The first is assigned success as the family defines it, the
second the care of the emotional life, the third rebels for the
family. We did our roles well.
The gift of this theory was insight and forgiveness. In some
real sense knowing my parents were all but doomed to repeat their parents' taught
behaviors, let me take it less seriously, forgive its destructive impact and see
my role. I am the second born and have always followed the emotionality of
home. Perhaps should my daughter marry, I will have enough insight not to see
her spouse as a problem to be handled.
The reading from Ruth today is a look at both tradition and a
family system. In the days of Ruth and Naomi, a family system was key to
survival. All roles were well defined. Women were dependent on men for place
even when they were not for ability. The home fires were the domain of women,
fields and pastures and hunting the domain of men. There was an assumption that
children were there as a backup for parents as they aged. Property passed in the
male line so son's were a necessity.
Thus this dilemma of three widowed women all connected by
marriage to related men was quite real. Only by remarriage would their lives be
secured. In its absence, their best bet was to fall back on original family
who were not always required to take them back in mercy.
When Ruth pledges to Naomi that she will not leave her but be
family to her to death it is a kindness unexpected.
But Ruth said, "Do not press me to leave you or to turn
back from following you! Where you go, I will go; Where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die--
there will I be buried. May the LORD do thus and so to me, and more as well, if
even death parts me from you!" When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with
her, she said no more to her. Ruth 1:16-18.
Today I have to wonder what lay in Ruth's background that made
this her best decision? Did she understand her family of origin as holding no
hope for her? Had she grown up with little affection that beckoned her home in
her tragedy? Had Naomi outstripped her parents in affection? Was she like me a
second born, the one who sees the emotional needs about her, who saw Naomi's
aging plight and would not let it go uncared for? I do not know.
What I do know is this decision of care is core to scripture.
It is her mercy to Naomi which will make her life. Naomi's ability to recognize
not only this loyalty but its depth allows her to receive Ruth's firm
decision. The two women together will prove a wise resource, one to the other.
The men who run the world will be wooed into woman craft as they work together
not only to survive but to prosper within God's word.
We have this story because they are the foremothers of King
David. Yet we have it also because in this line are three things. The wisdom of
women is here told. The mercy of these women is abundant. In Ruth the Davidic
line is impure, she is a Moabitess. From this impure line the great leader of
Israel will emerge.
In this last point in particular, they are to trouble us when
our mercy proves limited, not up to God. Who might we be overlooking in our
care? Who have we judged not worthy of inclusion in our families, our homes,
our worship communities, our nation? Have we used some Old Testament measure or
even some New Testament measure unworthy of God's mercy to judge someone outside
our mercy and care? Might God not rather we were troubled enough to say come and
show me how God is in you and then I will share God in me? Notice that while
Ruth says, "your people shall be my people, and your God my
God." God's mercy toward Naomi is also in Ruth's determined act to care
for the widow.
The men who gathered these stories of God's creation and care
were troubled enough to include this story of how God steps over God's perceived
rule of purity to fashion God's perceived chosen people.
We are but asked to wonder about its meaning for each of
us.
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