Well I have done my reflection time which I share here. Afterward I need to go face the cleaning of decks and the rebuilding of a set of stairs to the beach. Pray for me a sinner...but a joyful one!!
Thursday after Ash Wednesday:
Today my thoughts are simple and that seems appropriate after Ash Wednesday which has a silent power to create us afresh. The day bids one yield to introspection, to looking inward and measuring ones need of God and grace and repentance(change, turning God-ward). Grace weaves her power in gathered worship under the signs of ashes and body and blood as one offers the inward paths to God and looks outward to our companions who also journey with God.
This morning as I read John 1:29-34, John speaks of Jesus: "After me comes one who ranks before me, for he was before me." Instantly I remember another saying of John the Baptist to his close disciples: "He must increase, I must decrease." (John 3:30). I find this a good watch phrase for Lent. It is not that I will somehow disappear, but that I will discover deeper ways to yield to God's good.
I am forever indebted to the Sister's of St. John Baptist in Mendham, NJ for my love of this quote from John. It is the motto of their community. Over time I would come to love them as brave in God. Brave not because they were more perfect, always likable, ever gentle. I think many desired these qualities, but they also housed stubbornness, strong will, struggles with self worth, ever changing priorities. In short they were each human and on a journey...as we all are.
No, brave because in their human journey they set their lives on a path. They set their lives on a path together. Their numbers shifted, their leadership shifted, their self understanding shifted. Every time they accepted a new member, lost a member, stagnated in membership, their life was impacted for good or ill. But their vocation was to live together, daily pray together, discover God's work for them together...and sometimes separately.
As I said mass for them weekly for almost a decade, had tea and meals with them off and on, I was privilege to observe their life...as an outsider who cares to observe life. I would more and more realize to decrease so that Christ might increase is not to disappear. It is rather to grow deeper. It is to know ones ego, ones desire for strength and more self. It is to safely know ones weaknesses as well. It is to enter into this self discover with great reflection but hopefully not self obsession. There was always I think someone at hand to draw you out of self obsession. There was always some work the Order required of you or offered you. You might say, "Yes, right on!" to the work. Or you might say "Oh my, not this again." At least I might have said those things.
And as each woman grew in her strength, as she knew herself in God, she was better enabled to yield to the communities need of her and God's need. On their best days they would help one another grow deeper, tend to prayer and work and hospitality. The Order would change in its work and daily expression of vocation.
But what helped me was to watch a desperately shy sister, become more comfortable with self, worth and others. Then to watch a seemingly secure sister come to a different vocational expression with clarity and for the sake of the sisters she loved, to hold it back a little until most could embrace it. There was a seemingly secure woman who entered who would learn to quieten more, yield a little to the community's need and grow in new ways. There were those who came and left because this was not the arena where they could yield best to God. The sisters grieved variously these changes. Yet each was yielding however imperfectly to some deeper voice, seeking to discover God's good, converse about this good. Most of those conversations I was not privy to. I would just see the outward fruit.
So I am today reminded, "He must increase, I must decrease." This can be a watch phrase in Lent. I can yield to depth largely by growing strong in ways that grow my abilities and then give them over to God. Community can help me measure them sometimes better than I can alone. But the point is to serve God best in this life in ways that strengthen the whole Church either as it gathers in community or as it is set in the world. Some times I will grieve the change asked of me from within and without. My reward is seeing some good that pleasures God in Christ Jesus and letting that be enough just now. Then perhaps I will see more clearly: "After me comes one who ranks before me, for he was before me."
Thursday after Ash Wednesday:
Today my thoughts are simple and that seems appropriate after Ash Wednesday which has a silent power to create us afresh. The day bids one yield to introspection, to looking inward and measuring ones need of God and grace and repentance(change, turning God-ward). Grace weaves her power in gathered worship under the signs of ashes and body and blood as one offers the inward paths to God and looks outward to our companions who also journey with God.
This morning as I read John 1:29-34, John speaks of Jesus: "After me comes one who ranks before me, for he was before me." Instantly I remember another saying of John the Baptist to his close disciples: "He must increase, I must decrease." (John 3:30). I find this a good watch phrase for Lent. It is not that I will somehow disappear, but that I will discover deeper ways to yield to God's good.
I am forever indebted to the Sister's of St. John Baptist in Mendham, NJ for my love of this quote from John. It is the motto of their community. Over time I would come to love them as brave in God. Brave not because they were more perfect, always likable, ever gentle. I think many desired these qualities, but they also housed stubbornness, strong will, struggles with self worth, ever changing priorities. In short they were each human and on a journey...as we all are.
No, brave because in their human journey they set their lives on a path. They set their lives on a path together. Their numbers shifted, their leadership shifted, their self understanding shifted. Every time they accepted a new member, lost a member, stagnated in membership, their life was impacted for good or ill. But their vocation was to live together, daily pray together, discover God's work for them together...and sometimes separately.
As I said mass for them weekly for almost a decade, had tea and meals with them off and on, I was privilege to observe their life...as an outsider who cares to observe life. I would more and more realize to decrease so that Christ might increase is not to disappear. It is rather to grow deeper. It is to know ones ego, ones desire for strength and more self. It is to safely know ones weaknesses as well. It is to enter into this self discover with great reflection but hopefully not self obsession. There was always I think someone at hand to draw you out of self obsession. There was always some work the Order required of you or offered you. You might say, "Yes, right on!" to the work. Or you might say "Oh my, not this again." At least I might have said those things.
And as each woman grew in her strength, as she knew herself in God, she was better enabled to yield to the communities need of her and God's need. On their best days they would help one another grow deeper, tend to prayer and work and hospitality. The Order would change in its work and daily expression of vocation.
But what helped me was to watch a desperately shy sister, become more comfortable with self, worth and others. Then to watch a seemingly secure sister come to a different vocational expression with clarity and for the sake of the sisters she loved, to hold it back a little until most could embrace it. There was a seemingly secure woman who entered who would learn to quieten more, yield a little to the community's need and grow in new ways. There were those who came and left because this was not the arena where they could yield best to God. The sisters grieved variously these changes. Yet each was yielding however imperfectly to some deeper voice, seeking to discover God's good, converse about this good. Most of those conversations I was not privy to. I would just see the outward fruit.
So I am today reminded, "He must increase, I must decrease." This can be a watch phrase in Lent. I can yield to depth largely by growing strong in ways that grow my abilities and then give them over to God. Community can help me measure them sometimes better than I can alone. But the point is to serve God best in this life in ways that strengthen the whole Church either as it gathers in community or as it is set in the world. Some times I will grieve the change asked of me from within and without. My reward is seeing some good that pleasures God in Christ Jesus and letting that be enough just now. Then perhaps I will see more clearly: "After me comes one who ranks before me, for he was before me."
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